The Reality of Self-Care: Reflections on a Rough Couple of Days

At Energize Leadership, we consider self-care to be paramount to good leadership.  We even cover it in our leadership model and make room for it as part of our coaching programs.  

But this week, self-care came into reality for me in a way that I felt I needed to share.  

It is one thing to think proactively about self-care.  Are you working out enough? Are you building in enough down time?  Do you have fun at work? All these things are important and critical to long-term sustainability – let alone a worthwhile life.

But I do most of these things.  I really emphasize self-care in many ways. I definitely have some improvements to make in terms of being more active and less stuck behind a screen.   I work too late and too many hours. And I’m still working to reduce the number of minute details on my plate on a daily basis.

Well last week – everything seemed to catch up with me.

All of a sudden.

Unexpectedly.

Wham.

I could not move.

I didn’t want to wake up.

I didn’t want to get out of bed.

I couldn’t imagine doing the 50 things on my plate that day.

I felt like I weighted 10,000 pounds.  Even looking through clothes to decide what to wear was just. too. much.

I tried to put words to it to my family.  Gosh, I’m overwhelmed.  I am unmotivated. I feel stuck.

Then I reached out to a friend.  I’m having a crisis. I don’t want to do anything.

I knew, because I’ve seen this lady before, that in a few days it would pass right over.  But since I didn’t expect it, I didn’t know how to manage the expectations that were on my plate AT. THIS. MOMENT.

So I decided to lean in.  And shut up. I stopped talking about it because no one understood.  They either wanted to worry, fix it, or they just plain thought I was crazy (my husband included!).

And I just started to put one foot in front of the other.  Break this down. What can I cancel?

So I cancelled the Sunday piano recital. (shame)

I cancelled some appointments for the next few days.  (guilt)

I delayed getting started on anything.  I read an entire book in bed. (self-hate)

My kids cooked for me. (grateful)

Eventually, I got to the grocery store because I wanted veggies.  I made yummy veggie dishes. (smart)

I drank water. (trying anything)

I went to yoga.  Not strenuous yoga.  The lay down and relax, meditation-type yoga.  BTW, did you know we just moved into a Taurus New Moon with Uranus has moved into Taurus (last time this was the case was during the 1930s-40s – just sayin’)…

The next day – I ate a chocolate cake.  Interestingly, that didn’t actually help.  But I ate the veggies and those did.

I shrugged off a few more meetings – keeping things bare bones.  The guilt was less. I knew this was going to be okay – I was just frustrated at my lack of progress on a daily basis. I normally do no less than 50 things a day, so this was such a shift.

I went to bed early.

I read a Food and Wine magazine.

I went clothes shopping. I needed two new outfits for a work trip and thought maybe this would be more entertaining than the never ending task list ahead of me. At least I was productive. Even if I did look horrific when I walked into that store.

I got 3 things done per day. I felt like I had been kind to myself.  Yes. This is definitely self-care, I thought. Only YOU can do self-care in a way that works for you.

Then…on the fourth day I woke up and took a shower.  I ate a good breakfast. And I cranked out some work. I felt more inspired.  I led some great coaching sessions and strategy sessions with clients.

The fog is lifting. Not too bad.

During this process I was getting “self-care” motivational messages from several people I follow on social media. I found those posts really annoying because although I practice and preach self-care, when you need it most, those around you really don’t have any ability to help you through. Even if that just means leaving you alone or letting you off the hook.  So I started noticing more of what I thought would be helpful. It helped me just do one thing at a time to unlayer and unhinge. It helped me get back to normal.

I think what is most frustrating is that it’s hard to say outloud “Hey, I’m having a rough day and having a hard time accomplishing anything right now. But I’m trying…thanks for your patience.”  I know, because I tried. People thought I was cray cray. They were silent. They were awkward. They did not let me off the hook! So I really had to just take care of myself the best way I could while managing other’s expectations as best I could, hoping the fog would lift sooner than later.  

Wouldn’t it be great if we all could give each other more grace? If we could actually help each other take care of ourselves?  I would love if I could hop on a call and say –“I hit a wall, I need a few extra days.” And the person on the other end would say, “I totally get that, been there. Let me know when you’re back at it again!”  Or better yet – “how can I help, what can I take.”

Funny thing is that my kids are the ones who sprang into action.  They were the ones who seized the opportunity to help and not ask for anything in return. They were just “with” me. And they knew I’d be back.  Turns out everything we needed to know we really did learn in kindergarten. Now if we could just stay young at heart and have more compassion rather than letting our goals and endless to do lists dictate our moods and our interactions.  Give each other grace. Give yourself grace. Every day is a new day.

Sincerely,

Kat

CEO of Energize Leadership