Why Your Lack of Confidence Is Getting in Your Way

As a Leadership Coach and Consultant, I have often ended up working with people who have a low supply of self-confidence. Surprisingly, they don’t seem to be too in the dark about it. However, I’ve noticed despite their awareness, they don’t do much to manage the fact that their self-confidence block is getting in their way.

Now to be fair, we all suffer from low self-confidence from time-to-time. When we are learning something new, when we are pushing ourselves through uncomfortable situations, or when things look glim or bleak. Most of us carry this around silently and pass through it somewhat quickly. But what I want you to be thoughtful about is whether your lack of self-confidence is getting in your way more than you think it might be.

It can have a long term negative impact on things like:

  • Your relationships at work AND at home as well as the ability for others to connect to you – it can be hard to trust someone with low self-confidence
  • Your promotability – it is hard to see someone’s potential, let alone commit to it, if they don’t believe in it themselves
  • Obviously, your income suffers – those with higher levels of self-confidence not only ask for what they need, they are more likely to get it without asking because their value is apparent
  • Trust, which is foundational to pretty much everything in relationships, is harder to come by when you are wracked in self-doubt, uneasiness, or fear.  Just think of a time you’ve been around someone who was unsure – did you trust them?
  • And at the end of the day, it is hard to have respect for someone who can’t get out of their own way

These are just a few of the pretty significant side effects of not having self-confidence. I’ll take a moment to clarify that the fleeting insecurities we have about new things or experiences don’t result in these negative effects as long as you push through them and use the opportunity to gain confidence in either mastering the new or embracing the lack of ability in that area and moving on from it.

If you are a chronic sufferer from a lack of self-confidence, below are a few things you can do to move into a more confident space:

#1 Do something you feel naturally confident about

It’s always good to push ourselves and try new things, but in all honesty, we should be focusing our energy on things that we enjoy and that make us feel great. Maybe it’s time to reflect on what you’re doing or who you are around and make a move to support yourself. If you are only doing damage to your reputation and relationships, it’s not even worth it to stay.

#2 Check in and get feedback about your perceived lack of confidence

Maybe someone in your past was particularly hard on you and they planted seeds of low self-esteem deep within your soul. Maybe someone associated confidence with boasting, and now you don’t want to appear arrogant or conceited. Maybe you failed at something and it set limiting beliefs about who you are and the places you can go.

Whatever it is that you’re carrying with you, it’s time to shed the old stories you tell yourself. Look at yourself through the eyes of others so that you can give yourself a break and bask in the glory of your greatness! Because, newsflash, you’re darn right awesome!

#3 Reflect on all the things you’ve done

This is something none of us do often enough. I learned from my earliest employer to write down everything you accomplished that year so you could provide it for reflection during your annual review. Not only was it positively enlightening but it felt amazing to see all that I had done and take a moment to be proud. This is an annual must do!

#4 Set your sights on goals that matter

Sometimes we need to care enough about what we are doing to push ourselves through our self-doubt.  So make sure you are pointing yourself in a direction that is worth persevering through the hard times.

I know this sounds silly but Stuart Smalley was on to something! Practicing daily affirmations can retrain your brain to believe in yourself. Write a message on your mirror that reminds you of who you are and who you can be.  You’ll be surprised at how much kinder your brain becomes after you do it for a week!

#5 Reach out for support

Find a mentor or a coach who can help pull you through and give you the perspective and direction you need to build up your self-confidence and ability to shine in your environment.  Life’s too short to keep doing what you’re doing if it’s not working for you!

In the end…

It’s time to move beyond self-doubt. Put on your confidence boots because you don’t want to be the one who’s getting in your way. There are plenty of other people to fill that role. It’s really important to think about the negative side-effects of living with a lack of self-confidence. Now that you know what some of them are, what are you going to do? Where are your opportunities to get beyond your limits?  

Let me know if we can support you in any way. Remember, we’re saving the world from bad leaders over here, and a lack of confidence does result in a less than a great leader.  We’re just an email or a phone call away and we’re happy to help!